you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
