i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
