I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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