i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
