I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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