I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize