Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
