I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
