My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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