it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I lost the right to judge tonight
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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