At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
