I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
