Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Randomize
