All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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