looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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