So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
