Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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