I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
