There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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