Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
