Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
they're like a gay fantastic four
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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