Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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