If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Text me some of your sweat
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
