she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
