please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
