I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
These tits shall not be calmed
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