Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
