I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
