shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
