I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
