I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
