The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
