The maid of honor just puked.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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