i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
If I die, sorry about rent.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
