Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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