Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
