so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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