she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
