FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
