No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
