i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
