Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Randomize
