I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
