I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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