woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
