I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
