dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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