How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
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