what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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