I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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