I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
