Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
