I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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