you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
