Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
