life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
