I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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