fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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