a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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