How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
