Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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