and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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