he wants to bone in the snuggie
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
