sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
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