There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
