I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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