His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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