I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
