I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
