It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
