chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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