Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
