My sheets look like a crime scene.
just tell him i said nine months
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
