im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
