last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
