I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
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Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
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she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.