@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.