This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!