I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"