he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.