What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend