She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.