Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program