Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
